Love and Respect: Part Three

Love and Respect

Still on The Energizing Cycle!

So the women need C.O.U.P.L.E.S, now let’s take a look at what the men need…

Take a look at the last page of your handouts and you will see a new diagram.

“His love motivates – Her Respect motivates…”

C.H.A.I.R.S: How to Spell Respect to Your Husband

(Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship and Sexuality.)

Proverbs 14:1 “A wise woman builds her house. But a foolish one tears it down.”

A lot of women struggle with the idea of ‘respect’. After all the epistles were written by a man! However in light of this, Emerson encourages a number of women to do a ‘respect test’ on their husbands. The idea is to have a list of things you respect about your man and then in an opportune moment tell him you had been thinking of him today and some of the things you respect about him. Then, just walk away and see what happens. For the most part the response is immediate interest as men are geared to receive respect and honor from their women. This is a very powerful tool, to test the dramatic effect your stepping out in faith to respect your husband will empower him to serve and respond in love.

Remember: You must respect him regardless of his response.

*Be Ready With Reasons of Why You Respect Him:

A wife must see what God sees. Look at his desires and not his performance.

Keep this vital fact in mind as we explore CHAIRS: In most cases men see themselves in the drivers seat. In terms of a man’s self-image, he needs to be the chairman, he needs to drive. He needs to be first among equals and take on that responsibility.

Conquest

(Appreciate His Desire to Work and Achieve.)

By conquest I mean the natural inborn desire of the man to go out and conquer the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

As a woman if you can start to understand how important a man’s work is to him, you will take a giant step in communicating respect and honor. (Which is more valuable than your love.)

Gen 2:15 "God created man to cultivate and work the earth."

Woman was created as a helper for the man.

Men are called to be hunter’s, worker’s, doer’s. He wants to make his conquest in the field of life.

How do you want your daughter-in-laws to treat your son? Now transfer this to your husband.

Many women have no idea the importance men put on their work. If a wife even implies the unimportance of her husband’s work, she has just called him a loser. Ouch!

A man feels the call to the field while the woman’s natural instinct is a call to the family.

He wants a woman who believes in him. This thought parallels with Christ and His Church. He wants us to believe in Him.

Hierarchy

(Appreciate His Desire to Protect and Provide.)

This is not a plug to endorse chauvinism, and the Bible does NOT say so neither. Ladies God is a God of justice and mercy not wife-beating.

What is the Real Meaning of Biblical Hierarchy?

Eph 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Greek word for submit: hupotasso meaning to “rank under or place under”.

Lets’s continue…

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

The good-willed husband sees this passage (Eph 5:25-27) as his duty to protect his wife.

At the same time the wife is called to place herself under that protection.

This is the biblical definition of Hierarchy.

It is not male superiority for sake of putting down women, it’s the male’s responsibility to put himself over the woman and protect her.

Will this lead to abuse? It’s possible. But this is not reason to refuse a man’s God-given ability to lead. Abuse will come from an evil-willed man regardless.

The problem many women have today is that they want to be treated like the princess but they resist treating their husbands like the King. They aren’t willing to recognize that he wants to be the umbrella of protection who would be willing die for her.

Respect Card – A Keeper. Write your husband a card, signed: With deepest respect, the one who still admires you.

Authority

(Appreciate His Desire To Serve and To Lead.)

Who’s the boss in your house?

This question can be a source of humor for some, especially in a society that embraces feministic views.

However in the Christian World the question is – What does the Bible say about authority in the home?

We’ve looked at Eph 5:22-27. And there is a requirement from God for wives to submit.

Now, how about ‘mutual submission’? Yes, Eph 5:21 it states, “Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.”

The idea behind mutual submission in this sense is that the wife does not owe submission of any unique kind to her husband.

However in v22 we see she is to submit to her husband, as unto the Lord.

If a decision is to be made, the wife is called upon to defer to her husband, trusting God to guide him to make a decision out of love for her as the responsible head of the marriage.

If L&R are both present in a decision making process, both will feel needs met and be satisfied.

Husbands are ‘responsible’ to make the Call. There are times when a wife “must obey God rather than men,” Acts 5:29. A wife’s submission to God takes precedence over submitting to her husband. God will not call us to submit to something evil or wrong. And if a husband chooses to do something like this he forfeits his right to lead his family.

1 Peter 3:1 comments that, “wives follow the lead of your husband…Then let him be won to Christ by seeing how their wives behave.”

Will a man respond to a woman who pouts and tries to manipulate the situation in her favor? Most likely not.

The key to empowerment: you get what you want by giving him what he wants.

Realize: Authority must come with Responsibility.

Go on record to let your husband know that you see him having more authority in your marriage/family because he has more responsibility – the responsibility to die for you, if necessary. Think the 51:49 ratio.

As you submit (recognizing his biblical authority), conflicts and decisions will dramatically change.

Appreciating your husbands desire to serve you and lead the family takes faith, courage and strength.

Insight

(Appreciate His Desire To Analyze and Counsel.)

Proverbs 3:7 comments, “Don’t be wise in your own eyes.”

Many women trust their intuition to a fault.

However, God calls us to trust in his wisdom and has also given us a partner to walk along side us who can offer wisdom when needed. For us to disregard a man’s ability to obtain godly wisdom is also foolish and prideful.

Eve was not created to be Adam’s brain, but rather, Adam’s companion and helpmeet. God knew that both man and woman would need his counsel to overcome problems.

Remember ladies, Eve was deceived first, by trusting her incredible intuition!

A marriage needs her intuition and his insight.

The truth is we need each other!

One of the biggest areas women criticize their husbands insight is in how she believes he needs to lead their family spiritually. This is straight up judgment, which unfortunately hurts God and takes you further out of the spiritual place you were trying to get to in the first place.

Ask yourselves; do I have an attitude of self-righteousness in any degree?

A common problem in marriage is that many women think they don’t sin. They write off sinful behavior as hormonal problems, chemical imbalances or dysfunctions due to family of origin.

Girls, we are not holier than men!

Are you trying to be your husbands Holy Spirit? I know sure have been guilty of this. It’s rare we hear our men say this statement.

Look at Jesus in his loving yet corrective rebuke to Martha, who was convinced her attitude was holier Mary’s. He kindly guided her back to the truth, rather than tell her she was wrong.

Is it possible that sometimes the men in our lives can be Jesus to us and offer a corrective word out of love for our benefit? Yes.

Don’t be afraid to admit you have sins, issues and weaknesses. And respect that he has strengths in areas where you don’t: this will energize his soul.

Relationship

(Appreciate His Desire For Shoulder-to-Shoulder Friendship.)

God said, “I will make a helper who is just right for Him.” Genesis 2:18

Women share experiences by talking, examining with their emotions.

Men share experiences by sharing an activity. E.g. Hunting or playing sport.

Believe it or not ladies, your presence energizes him. He loves having you near.

We question this because we put so much emphasis on ‘talking’ to build a relationship.

The Greek word phileo refers to brotherly or friendship love. And the Bible has plenty to say about this, as God knows this is a fundamental relationship block we all need.

Are we friendly toward our husbands? Do we want to be their friend as well as their lover? Song of Solomon 5:16, it depicts the desire for both. “This is my beloved, this is my friend.”

Males prefer shoulder-to-shoulder instead of face-to-face time.

Spend time together and Stay Together.

As you just ‘be’ with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, his fondness of you will grow inexplicably.

Sexuality

(Appreciate His Desire For Sexual Intimacy.)

Remember: you can’t get what you want by depriving your partner of what they want.

Kick the devil out of bed!

1 Corinthians 7:3 states, “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

Also, 1 Corinthians 7:5. “Stop depriving one another”… “come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Someone once said, ‘Just as the devil will do everything he can to bring a couple together sexually before marriage, he will do everything he can to tear a couple apart sexually after marriage.’

This is one of the key areas to be unified in, as God intended.

Sex for him and affection for you is a two-way street. Just as he should minister to your spirit and have access to your body, so, too you should minister to his body if you want to gain access to his spirit.

As a wife you spell respect to your husband when you appreciate his sexual desire for you.

Two keys to understanding your husband:

1. He is visually oriented – your appearance and bodily attributes stimulates him.
2. He needs sexual release just as you need emotional release.

Girls, remember that just as it is important for you to be able to share your personal fears and struggles unique to women, it is equally important for men to want to share and be open about their struggles that are unique to them. One of the biggest areas that men have hard time opening up to their wives about is their sexual struggles. Be it visual temptations, masturbation etc – this is definitely one arena that our men are faced with, and if we want to be their friend and lover we need to hear them, support them and pray for them, as well as minister to them sexually.

If a man feels shamed by his wife or women in his life for mentioning his sexual struggles, he will shut down and this will possibly create a gap for Satan to divide what God has intended to be one.

Jesus understood the struggles of man, for he says, ‘Everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ Matthew 5:28

Ladies, we need to not fear these kinds of temptations in our men’s life, but be the wind under his wings and help him soar past such issues with the grace and mercy of God.

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So C H A I R S. Live it, Love it, like the results that I guarantee you will see!