Love and Respect: Part Three

Love and Respect

Still on The Energizing Cycle!

So the women need C.O.U.P.L.E.S, now let’s take a look at what the men need…

Take a look at the last page of your handouts and you will see a new diagram.

“His love motivates – Her Respect motivates…”

C.H.A.I.R.S: How to Spell Respect to Your Husband

(Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship and Sexuality.)

Proverbs 14:1 “A wise woman builds her house. But a foolish one tears it down.”

A lot of women struggle with the idea of ‘respect’. After all the epistles were written by a man! However in light of this, Emerson encourages a number of women to do a ‘respect test’ on their husbands. The idea is to have a list of things you respect about your man and then in an opportune moment tell him you had been thinking of him today and some of the things you respect about him. Then, just walk away and see what happens. For the most part the response is immediate interest as men are geared to receive respect and honor from their women. This is a very powerful tool, to test the dramatic effect your stepping out in faith to respect your husband will empower him to serve and respond in love.

Remember: You must respect him regardless of his response.

*Be Ready With Reasons of Why You Respect Him:

A wife must see what God sees. Look at his desires and not his performance.

Keep this vital fact in mind as we explore CHAIRS: In most cases men see themselves in the drivers seat. In terms of a man’s self-image, he needs to be the chairman, he needs to drive. He needs to be first among equals and take on that responsibility.

Conquest

(Appreciate His Desire to Work and Achieve.)

By conquest I mean the natural inborn desire of the man to go out and conquer the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

As a woman if you can start to understand how important a man’s work is to him, you will take a giant step in communicating respect and honor. (Which is more valuable than your love.)

Gen 2:15 "God created man to cultivate and work the earth."

Woman was created as a helper for the man.

Men are called to be hunter’s, worker’s, doer’s. He wants to make his conquest in the field of life.

How do you want your daughter-in-laws to treat your son? Now transfer this to your husband.

Many women have no idea the importance men put on their work. If a wife even implies the unimportance of her husband’s work, she has just called him a loser. Ouch!

A man feels the call to the field while the woman’s natural instinct is a call to the family.

He wants a woman who believes in him. This thought parallels with Christ and His Church. He wants us to believe in Him.

Hierarchy

(Appreciate His Desire to Protect and Provide.)

This is not a plug to endorse chauvinism, and the Bible does NOT say so neither. Ladies God is a God of justice and mercy not wife-beating.

What is the Real Meaning of Biblical Hierarchy?

Eph 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Greek word for submit: hupotasso meaning to “rank under or place under”.

Lets’s continue…

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

The good-willed husband sees this passage (Eph 5:25-27) as his duty to protect his wife.

At the same time the wife is called to place herself under that protection.

This is the biblical definition of Hierarchy.

It is not male superiority for sake of putting down women, it’s the male’s responsibility to put himself over the woman and protect her.

Will this lead to abuse? It’s possible. But this is not reason to refuse a man’s God-given ability to lead. Abuse will come from an evil-willed man regardless.

The problem many women have today is that they want to be treated like the princess but they resist treating their husbands like the King. They aren’t willing to recognize that he wants to be the umbrella of protection who would be willing die for her.

Respect Card – A Keeper. Write your husband a card, signed: With deepest respect, the one who still admires you.

Authority

(Appreciate His Desire To Serve and To Lead.)

Who’s the boss in your house?

This question can be a source of humor for some, especially in a society that embraces feministic views.

However in the Christian World the question is – What does the Bible say about authority in the home?

We’ve looked at Eph 5:22-27. And there is a requirement from God for wives to submit.

Now, how about ‘mutual submission’? Yes, Eph 5:21 it states, “Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.”

The idea behind mutual submission in this sense is that the wife does not owe submission of any unique kind to her husband.

However in v22 we see she is to submit to her husband, as unto the Lord.

If a decision is to be made, the wife is called upon to defer to her husband, trusting God to guide him to make a decision out of love for her as the responsible head of the marriage.

If L&R are both present in a decision making process, both will feel needs met and be satisfied.

Husbands are ‘responsible’ to make the Call. There are times when a wife “must obey God rather than men,” Acts 5:29. A wife’s submission to God takes precedence over submitting to her husband. God will not call us to submit to something evil or wrong. And if a husband chooses to do something like this he forfeits his right to lead his family.

1 Peter 3:1 comments that, “wives follow the lead of your husband…Then let him be won to Christ by seeing how their wives behave.”

Will a man respond to a woman who pouts and tries to manipulate the situation in her favor? Most likely not.

The key to empowerment: you get what you want by giving him what he wants.

Realize: Authority must come with Responsibility.

Go on record to let your husband know that you see him having more authority in your marriage/family because he has more responsibility – the responsibility to die for you, if necessary. Think the 51:49 ratio.

As you submit (recognizing his biblical authority), conflicts and decisions will dramatically change.

Appreciating your husbands desire to serve you and lead the family takes faith, courage and strength.

Insight

(Appreciate His Desire To Analyze and Counsel.)

Proverbs 3:7 comments, “Don’t be wise in your own eyes.”

Many women trust their intuition to a fault.

However, God calls us to trust in his wisdom and has also given us a partner to walk along side us who can offer wisdom when needed. For us to disregard a man’s ability to obtain godly wisdom is also foolish and prideful.

Eve was not created to be Adam’s brain, but rather, Adam’s companion and helpmeet. God knew that both man and woman would need his counsel to overcome problems.

Remember ladies, Eve was deceived first, by trusting her incredible intuition!

A marriage needs her intuition and his insight.

The truth is we need each other!

One of the biggest areas women criticize their husbands insight is in how she believes he needs to lead their family spiritually. This is straight up judgment, which unfortunately hurts God and takes you further out of the spiritual place you were trying to get to in the first place.

Ask yourselves; do I have an attitude of self-righteousness in any degree?

A common problem in marriage is that many women think they don’t sin. They write off sinful behavior as hormonal problems, chemical imbalances or dysfunctions due to family of origin.

Girls, we are not holier than men!

Are you trying to be your husbands Holy Spirit? I know sure have been guilty of this. It’s rare we hear our men say this statement.

Look at Jesus in his loving yet corrective rebuke to Martha, who was convinced her attitude was holier Mary’s. He kindly guided her back to the truth, rather than tell her she was wrong.

Is it possible that sometimes the men in our lives can be Jesus to us and offer a corrective word out of love for our benefit? Yes.

Don’t be afraid to admit you have sins, issues and weaknesses. And respect that he has strengths in areas where you don’t: this will energize his soul.

Relationship

(Appreciate His Desire For Shoulder-to-Shoulder Friendship.)

God said, “I will make a helper who is just right for Him.” Genesis 2:18

Women share experiences by talking, examining with their emotions.

Men share experiences by sharing an activity. E.g. Hunting or playing sport.

Believe it or not ladies, your presence energizes him. He loves having you near.

We question this because we put so much emphasis on ‘talking’ to build a relationship.

The Greek word phileo refers to brotherly or friendship love. And the Bible has plenty to say about this, as God knows this is a fundamental relationship block we all need.

Are we friendly toward our husbands? Do we want to be their friend as well as their lover? Song of Solomon 5:16, it depicts the desire for both. “This is my beloved, this is my friend.”

Males prefer shoulder-to-shoulder instead of face-to-face time.

Spend time together and Stay Together.

As you just ‘be’ with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, his fondness of you will grow inexplicably.

Sexuality

(Appreciate His Desire For Sexual Intimacy.)

Remember: you can’t get what you want by depriving your partner of what they want.

Kick the devil out of bed!

1 Corinthians 7:3 states, “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

Also, 1 Corinthians 7:5. “Stop depriving one another”… “come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Someone once said, ‘Just as the devil will do everything he can to bring a couple together sexually before marriage, he will do everything he can to tear a couple apart sexually after marriage.’

This is one of the key areas to be unified in, as God intended.

Sex for him and affection for you is a two-way street. Just as he should minister to your spirit and have access to your body, so, too you should minister to his body if you want to gain access to his spirit.

As a wife you spell respect to your husband when you appreciate his sexual desire for you.

Two keys to understanding your husband:

1. He is visually oriented – your appearance and bodily attributes stimulates him.
2. He needs sexual release just as you need emotional release.

Girls, remember that just as it is important for you to be able to share your personal fears and struggles unique to women, it is equally important for men to want to share and be open about their struggles that are unique to them. One of the biggest areas that men have hard time opening up to their wives about is their sexual struggles. Be it visual temptations, masturbation etc – this is definitely one arena that our men are faced with, and if we want to be their friend and lover we need to hear them, support them and pray for them, as well as minister to them sexually.

If a man feels shamed by his wife or women in his life for mentioning his sexual struggles, he will shut down and this will possibly create a gap for Satan to divide what God has intended to be one.

Jesus understood the struggles of man, for he says, ‘Everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ Matthew 5:28

Ladies, we need to not fear these kinds of temptations in our men’s life, but be the wind under his wings and help him soar past such issues with the grace and mercy of God.

________________________________________________________________________

So C H A I R S. Live it, Love it, like the results that I guarantee you will see!

Love and Respect: Part Two

Love and Respect

The Energizing Cycle

Because the Crazy Cycle is always ready to spin, we need get ourselves on the Energizing Cycle and stay there!

The next two weeks are designed for husbands and wives, men and women to understand the unique needs that will help stop the Crazy Cycle and keep the Energizing Cycle spinning.

Take a look at the last page of your handouts and you will see a new diagram.

“His love motivates – Her Respect motivates…”

C.O.U.P.L.E: How to Spell Love to Your Wife

(Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem.)

Let’s take a look at the word couple in and of itself first.

Couple means two people connected together. This is the key on how women view relationships.

Women want connectivity.

She wants to connect with you, and she approaches with that intention in mind.

The Problem: She confronts to connect. But He thinks she is confronting to control.

When the good-willed woman in your life is appearing negative and offensive she is crying out for C.O.U.P.L.E. In these moments your feelings may tell you she is being critical and disrespectful, but what she really wants is to connect and to have your love.

- Align yourself with God’s word and counsel and look to your instrument panel, which says C.O.U.P.L.E and you will energize your wife to respect you.

Proverbs 24:5 “…a man of knowledge increases power.”

You don’t have to become PINK to love the woman in your life.

It takes guts to say to your wife “I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

Closeness

(She wants you to be close.)

“Therefore man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Gen 2:24

This scripture is full of insight. Your wife will feel loved when you move toward her and let her know you want to be close.

Women want Face-to-Face time = Heart-to-Heart time.

Being Involved____________________vs__________________Being Independent

Most women rest closer to the ‘Involvement’ side, whereas men rest closer to the ‘Independence’ side. There needs to be a balance.

You wouldn’t believe how taking 5 mins out of your day when you get home can set the tone for the rest of the night and create a more peaceful and relaxed environment. Five mins of quality time is better than a whole night of tension.

!!!You cannot motivate your spouse to give you what you need by withholding what they really need.

Luke 6:31 Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated.

Openness

(She wants you to open up to her.)

She longs for his love, which is experienced in her world by connecting openly with his heart.

Women are expressive-responsive.

Men are compartmentalized.

Light Circuit Analogy. Women are like the circuit of lights where one goes out they all go out. Men are different. If one of their lights go out it is only the one bulb that goes and the rest of the lights still work.

She is an integrated personality.

A wife’s crushed spirit is not hard to see. Her face tells it all. While men are more like poker players, hiding there emotions.

Wives see their husbands as mysterious ‘Islands’. She paddles around and around looking for a place to come ashore, but there is a fog holding them back. There is no place to land.

Women like to be up-to-date on a daily basis. Don’t take her ‘questions’ as prying, but as a way to share openness with you and be connected. You matter to her!

Beware of becoming embittered.

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.” Colossians 3:19

A bitter husband has no hope for openness with his wife.

Be careful not to be harsh with her. We can easily state our opinion in firm ways, thinking that it was totally fine, but what we just did was clamp down on her air hose and now she can’t breathe.

Understanding

(Don’t try to ‘fix’ her, just listen.)

1 Peter 3:7 advises husbands, “Live with your wife in an understanding way.”

See this verse through the lens of How to have Empathy for your Wife.

Women are not the weaker gender as some may bristle over in this verse, however they are vulnerable to men in two areas:

1) When a man fails to try and understand her

2) When you dishonor her by treating her as less than equal.

How Can you Understand Her??? Just listen. Don’t fix.

Ask: “Do you need a solution or my ear?”

Men communicate for one reason… to exchange information. Why else would we communicate? When a woman “just wants to talk” for no reason at all, we become suspicious.

A wise husband is “quick to listen, slow to speak.” James 1:19

Setting aside time for your wife/woman in your life, is a MUST!

Women love to talk to release their emotions – let off steam. This helps her process.She also needs to ‘talk’ to realize their feelings. Men can compartmentalize – she must verbalize to sort through her emotions.

Peacemaking

(She wants you to say, “I’m sorry”.)

Without peace in the relationship she doesn’t feel close. She can’t be fully connected.

However God scripturally intended there to be some conflict in marriage.

The ‘sparks’ of conflict are always going to be there, but how we handle them is the question. Will you let a wildfire rage out of control and burn down your house, or will you maintain a controllable fire that heats the house and makes things warm?

As you move toward her to solve a problem, you become close (heart to heart) – this is very precious to her.

Whenever wives get ‘historical’ it’s because they are trying to clear the air of past issues, promote peace and understanding between you.

If you say “Let’s just drop it”, a woman is likely to think that you are secretly still angry with her and that the issue is still really unresolved. Without any resolution it can be difficult for her to be happy.

Wives melt when men say, “I’m sorry.” It may be hard for us to say sometimes but this is the fastest way to her heart when there is conflict. Men worry that by saying this we will lose respect. We have to trust that as we give this need of reconciliation to our wives in love that they will in turn show us the respect that we desire.

Romans 12:18 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”

1 Peter 5:6 “Put yourselves under God’s mighty hand and he will honor you at the right time.”

Short course on peacemaking…

1) Have confidence in your loving demeanor. Proverbs 15:1 a gentle loving answer turns away wrath… (especially your wife’s)

2) Don’t blame her. Actually take part of the blame.

Loyalty

(She needs to know you are committed.)

A woman loves to hear her husband exclaim, ‘You alone are my love!” Song of Solomon 2:10

She wants reassurance of his love. And she MUST have it be available to her.

She’s a one-man woman, and he’s a ….? Sometimes she’s unsure of your faithfulness.

The ‘Dave Smith’ example… Well, Dave Smith down the street got a promotion… and he bought his wife a new car… and he lost 20 lbs… and blah, blah, blah. Wouldn’t this story make you feel disrespected and unappreciated. It’s the same when we look at the swimsuit world and wish she was a little more… whatever!

It’s very difficult for women in today’s pornography riddled world. She looks at the world through her pink glasses, much differently than you do with your blue glasses.

When she is assured of his love and loyalty, she is energized and motivated.

Are you being as loyal as you could be? Malachi 2:15-16 “Don’t break your promise to the wife you married when you were young. ‘I hate divorce’ says the Lord God.”

Esteem

(She wants you to honor and cherish her.)

1 Peter goes on to say that Husbands should also treat their wives with understanding so that their “prayers will not be hindered.”

(If your prayer life is not going well, maybe consider how you are treating your wife!)

The way to honor your wife is to treasure her. God has made women to want to be cherished, respected and esteemed.

She wants to know that she is on your mind and heart first and foremost.

Men can never show a women the amount of emotional openness and esteem that a woman really wants but symbolism is a great way to try and bridge the gap.

Use symbolism to show esteem to a woman. E.g. Roses convey you value her.

Birthday’s and anniversaries are a big deal to most women, so use this as a great way to win the heart of your wife and show her esteem!

A meaningful walk can be better than a new Mercedes!

Remember… She wants to know that you would take the time to try and figure out where she wants to go for dinner, because that’s what she would do for you. Don’t be agitated by this but instead try to offer up a few options that you really think that she might like.

Thank her for all that she does! Appreciate her for what she does but don’t overlook cherishing her for WHO she is!

October Belated

Hey Guys!

Totally behind the times with this blog. But it truly has been super busy here this month.

Out of town guests, interning at the Life Centre Church, producing an EPK for a client, trying to finish editing our documentary amongst many other things!

Sadly this month we had to say goodbye to our dear friend Sarah, who was going back to Vernon to pursue her photography business. Sarah we will miss you!

However we are well and in great spirits as we move forward yet another month closer to school in Toronto. We are officially leaving our home in January and transitioning by staying with Ernie and Merrilyn our Pastors.

October was to say the least - full. Full of events, full of trials and full of victories.

We began the month with outstanding weather - although as I type it is 6 degrees and raining, boo! Kevin and I enjoyed several date nights in the sun and watching sunsets, a rare blessing this time if year.

Our old house-mate Jojo came back from Germany for a quick finalizing visit midway though the month and even brought me over a Starbucks mug from his hometown, Stuttgart! Extremely smart man. Starbucks city mugs are a sure fire way to get points with Amy. Just so you know I already have New Orleans, Seattle, Houston, Alaska and New York.

This month also brought in the final process of my Permanent Residency to Canada. After a Saturady night date across the border to eat Jack in The Box, Kev and I passed through customs and got my official papers stamped to say I was a landed immigrant. It was a very relieving experience, as I no longer have to be drilled with questions at the border now and treated like a criminal, something that was getting old the last few years. It definitely was exciting for Kev to know that they couldn't take his wife away and send her back to Australia! Although neither of us really would be so bothered by the endless sunshine there.

Of course October is the Thanksgiving month here in Canada and Kev and I were blessed to have two invites over the weekend. Our first dinner was actually chicken (I know) at the South African Kleynhans home...that's all it is: a cultural thing, Aussies would do the same. Mind you the bird was big. And tasty. No complaints here. Our second dinner was a nice afternoon affair and in true North American tradition the Culley household it went big - the turkey, the food, the dessert. Thanks to Merrilyn being NZ we got Pavlova and I made a sugar-free gluten-free pumpkin pie - oh it was delicious. Actually the gluten-free flour was not my favourite to cook with, but the filling was on par with your standard sugar-infested pies out there.

Our church put on a Fall Fair Oct 31st and Kevin and I celebrated with some of the crew, dressed as Shakespearean/Elizabethan style folk, we each had a booth we ran for the local kids to come and win candy and prizes.

Kevin and I have also begun a teaching at our church Sunday nights, called Love and Repsect. It's been a great experience teaching and speaking together on such a valuable topic. Week three is coming up this Sunday. For more info see the separate posts for this month.

Well that's it folks,

Love you all and be blessed.

K &A

Love and Respect: Part One

Kev and I have begun a teaching at our church on Sunday nights, and we thought for those that want the notes and were unable to attend, we will post them after each message.

Be blessed!

L&R is a message discovered by Dr Emerson Eggerichs after 25 years of counseling, ministerial and pastoring experience with couples, God led him to a verse that changed the way in which he understood the basic commandment for marriage.

Over the next four weeks we will be taking you through an extreme crash course in his book.

Is this teaching for you?

• Are you feeling overwhelmed by simple misunderstandings?
• Do you find yourself reacting on opposition to your hearts deepest need for love?
• Do you often feel crushed, misjudged and disliked by your spouse or those close to you?
• Are you prone to cyclical arguments and misunderstandings?

If any of these Q’s resonate with you then this teaching will bless you greatly.

It’s for men and women of any demographic, age and stage and position in life. Whether you in a daughter/father relationship, husband/wife, mother/son, boss/employee, brother and sister – the revelation of this message will empower you to empower others, understanding their God-given need for L&R.

The Biblical Secret

Ephesians 5:33 “Each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”. (NIV)

This is the key to any male and female relationship. Whether you are married or not this scripture covers the primary needs in both men and women.

Ideally this scripture is talking about unconditional love and respect, when Paul wrote this he uses the word ‘agape’ for love. It is command for both sexes to unconditionally love and respect regardless of the lack or abundance of respect or love from the other person.

The Crazy Cycle

In a perfect world we would all be able to follow the biblical commands God gave us, however God knew this would not be the case, as he stated in 1 Corinthians 7:28 “…But those who marry will face many troubles in life…”

This scripture rings true for many of us. And Emerson describes at this: The Crazy Cycle. See diagram at back of handout.

When a man feels disrespected it is especially hard for him to love his wife.

When a woman feels unloved it is especially hard for her to respect her husband.

For a man, when he feels disrespected his natural tendencies are to react in ways that feel unloving toward his wife/woman.

For a woman when she feels unloved, it is her natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband/man.

(Perhaps the command to love and respect was given to us for this very reason!)

Many wives feel their husband is insensitive. While husbands feel criticized.

The Trigger is the Crazy Cycle. Read diagram. We trigger each other.

The perfect flow of this command is daily under stress in many relationships and under threat of being strained and broken by the Crazy Cycle.

*This cycle keeps spinning when only the superficial needs are addressed and not the deep needs. When you finally realize that the other person isn’t trying to be unloving/disrespectful but is just feeling the needs for love and respect, you are on your way to beating the Crazy Cycle.

Air hose Analogy

When the other person steps on your air hose you react so they will get off it or try to get our needs met.

Understanding The Dynamics

Wives, we don’t want to hear any of you quip: “I’ll show unconditional respect when he shows me unconditional love!”

In 1Peter 3:1-2 he commands, “they (husbands) may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

2When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].”

Peter’s instruction is for wives to not necessarily feel respect toward their husband to show respect.

As Peter comments, having reverence for your husband, respect for him is a way of winning him to the Lord.

Ladies, remember this is an instruction to respect as unto the Lord, regardless of whether or not you feel your husband or the men in your life deserve it.

Men don’t doubt that their wives or women in their life love them, it’s the uncertainty of respect toward him that creates the gap.

No man feels affection for a woman that has contempt, disrespect for who he is as a human being.

There are three reasons why unconditional respect is difficult to grasp:

1. Our interpretation: Man Talk vs Women Talk.
2. Unfortunate behavior of men toward women
3. Cultural mindsets – what we are taught. The church has a huge message of unconditional love, but what about unconditional respect?

Firstly lets look at Interpretation or Communication.

As Emerson describes, we speak in CODE.

Men have blue glasses and blue hearing aids. Women have pink glasses and pink hearing aids. What is seen and heard goes through the code of gender.

We see and hear things out of our own needs and perceptions.

E.g. “I have nothing to wear.”

This translates in BLUE: “I have nothing clean.”

This translates in PINK: “I have nothing new.”

Love is a woman’s mother tongue. E.g. The greeting card industry is geared toward and held afloat by women. Love this, love that, cuddly, warm affections. Show me a greeting card that is rough like sandpaper, smells like wood and oil and says I respect you. That’s right, not out there.

Women long to be cherished as a princess, to be first in importance to a man.

She yearns to be honoured and valued as a precious equal.

Respect is a man’s deepest God-given value. E.g. A survey was done to ask men if had to choose what would be their doom;

A) to be left alone unloved in the world

B) to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone

74% of men chose the A.

Men are geared to hear the command 1 Samuel 4:9“ Take courage…be men and fight!”

e.g. The Military Service uses unconditional respect and honor to call men up to serve. Men are created in such a way that they are willing to die for their women and children and brothers.

What Men and Women Fear Most

Men	Women
Fear of being held in contempt, disliked for who they are as a person.	Fear of being a doormat, unloved, especially if she chooses unconditional respect.

When the cycle triggers our fears, we may snap into our defenses of being critical or stonewalling our partner.

Here is how it translates:

Men hear criticism as contempt.

Women feel silence as hostility.

Who Makes the first move? Yes!

Does it matter, no. Don’t wait around for the other person. You make the change you are empowered.

Unconditional Respect has an ultimate goal: to get your husband to love you more.

Unconditional Love maybe difficult, but what better way to show the love of Christ to your wife.

The Golden Rule

“Women should respect men they way they want to be loved and men should love women they way they want to be respected. “

Remember to ask yourselves:

“Is what I’m about to say going to sound disrespectful/unloving?”

If you can see each other as an ally not an enemy you will win the war of the Crazy cycle.

This is NOT a tool to use against your spouse/friend/parent.

L&R is not about ‘feeling it’. It’s about standing on the truth of the scripture.

Obeying God’s word enables men and women to be powerful not powerless (in Christ.) We have an obligation to God’s word to move toward each other in unconditional love and respect in even amidst opposition.

How To Communicate L&R:

“That felt___________________________. Did I just come across as ___________________. Do need Love/Respect right now?”

Ideas:

Wives: Write your husband a letter about how much you respect him.

Men: In the midst of a conflict or moment where you feel disrespected, just hold her. Stop trying to make your point (earn her respect) and just hold her already!

A Rare Glimpse of the Rax

Our September

Hi All,

Yet another month has passed and Kevin and I are inching closer to a journey very much anticipated. For those of you that don't know what I am talking about, the 'journey' is moving to Toronto for a year to go to school. Woot!

The official start date is March 7th 2011, so by the beginning of March we will be on the road, in the air, then on the road again to Toronto. And needless to say we are both very excited!

September has been a wonderful month, filled with sweet memories, great experiences and some sad goodbyes.

The beginning of the month had Kevin and I score the privilege of having our good friend Josh, pass through and stay over night with us before leaving early the next morning to go to Florida. His ultimate destination is South Africa, however the 'work-perk' is having to touch base in Florida before moving on to his base outside Jo'berg. We are so sorry for you Josh! The night he stayed I made an Oven-Pancake which we have affectionately named 'The Josh'. It was beyond edible which is what any of could have hoped for :)

Shortly after Josh's departure, Kevin and I were blessed with a ticket to a local conference that had a host of great speakers. It was an unexpected blessing that gave us both some great insight into the stage in life we are at and hope for the future in our chosen path of ministry.

I have begun teaching wednesday mornings at our church a message on the Proverbs 31 woman. It has opened up some great debate and revelation for me and the other women who come along and is just a great opportunity for me to teach. I never thought I'd be a 'teacher' of any sort, yet it comes naturally and I actually love operating in an arena where I can share valuable insight and knowledge with others.

Toward the end of September Kevin and I travelled over to Nanaimo to visit the Paradis clan. Little Marc is growing fast and is at such a gorgeous stage, where he is actually responding to facial expressions and tickles. Kev and I hogged most of his time over the weekend, which hopefully he didn't mind! the other nephews, well, lets just say they are not as little anymore. But still adorable and super fun!

Finally after 9 months in process with immigration we received a letter the other week asking for my passport to finalize my status. And just as we speak, I received another letter and my passport, telling me that al I need to do now is go to an immigration office/border and sign the document and presto! I am a Canadian Resident!! Woohoo! Thank you Lord! Good times!

Other cool news, is that Kev landed whatr looks like a great job in restorations/renovations, and the possibility of a work truck in the future...oh yeah! And well, now that my status is almost finalized, I can get any job I want!! Wow, that's a cool feeling!

And as the pictures show, Kev and I are fighting...but for a purpose! As of this weekend, we are getting our Yellow Belts in Tae Kwon Do, after 9 months of learning, sparring and doing way too many push-ups, we get a colourful new accessory that means we can kick-butt, just a little better than before.

From the fun-filled ground suite of the Friesen's, we say 'we love you, be blessed!'

Kev and Ames

Augustus Aurelius

Hey Guys!

What a loooong month. So long that I forgot to even blog on time. Geesh!

Well, how has life been in the Friesen's world? Good, bad, tremendously boring or exceptionally stupendous? Let me ask my husband....

"Honey, how would you rate our month?"

"Awww-uh a nine. Maybe an 8.5."

There you have it. Captain has spoken. And as the first mate of our family I would second that statement.

So if it's deatils you're after I guess I could be so obliged as to humour you all with some treatsy morsels of the month. Actually I am typing itchy, as I just finished cutting Kevin's hair. Hold on....there, just wriggling around to avoid further itching.

The beginning of the month found us and a bunch of friends at Alice Lake camping for the weekend. Unfortunately the weather didn't stay bright and sunny ALL weekend and rained on us all day saturday! Of course Kev and I had the only leaky, old, beat up tent, which required hours of TLC from Kev as he created a canopy and waterproofing system which allowed us to have a dry nights sleep. Yay! If Aussie bushmen existed in Canada they would be called "Kev's". He truly is woodsy. It's wonderful.

Mid-month we took an extreme sports trip to Whistler with Wayne and Marilyn and went Zip-lining. Check out the video for an actual demonstration of us zipping through the treetops, attached to the end of this blog. It was a blessing to be able to go up and spend time again in nature with dear and treasured friends.

Outside of those larger scale events, we have been working, eating, sleeping, breathing, watching movies, playing chess, laughing, resolving conflicts, praying, singing, playing drums, learning piano and guitar, hanging with friends and advancing in Tae Kwon Do. Yes, we have also spent lots of time with Rax. Of course!

Here's Kev...

August has brought about some big changes with direction in life. We have been listening to God for some time, weighing back and forth the many different paths in which we (as a team) could take. Film, missions, school, travel, 9-5 at a desk job, construction, etc. And just when we felt the first step was to go back to Africa, God shifted the step ...like ten feet! And opened up the idea of going to school. But not just any school, oh no. In fact it is ministry school to prepare us toward becoming Pastor's. Wow!

I think the most interesting part of this is that I never saw it coming. Others apparently have but I sure didn't. How it even became a thought is when Amy and I started asking particular questions.

"What is it about renovations and counselling that we like so much?"

Seemingly different areas of life, yet the connection for us was that they both deal with taking something run-down and hurting and making it new, usable and more efficient (healed up). What could we do that involves 'restoration' to people? What could we do that gives us the opportunity to speak to people and reach their hearts, encourage them? What could we do that allows us to still work in film? The answer...Pastoring.

Now all that may make sense except for movies...but the truth is that you can still work in media and video ministry as a Pastor. And who says you can't make a movie? They did it at Sherwood Baptist Church in Georgia. Why not here? Films that rock for the Kingdom of God! (that was me, Amy saying that last sentence)

As for the last 10-15 years of stubbornly proud dreams and goals, trying to attain fame and fortune, well, lets just say it helped me get to where I am today. And for that I am grateful. So what lies ahead for the Friesen's? Possibly a few years of school and training and definitely some good times together working with our Heavenly Father.

Yep, it's the beginning of a journey that will establish us as a family unit, and plant our roots deep into God so that no matter where we go or end up in life we will have the faith to make it, the strength to take on the storms and the joy to overcome the hurdles of life. And really when you're with your best friend it doesn't matter what comes next, as long as you're together.

We love you all,

Until next month....

Kevin and Amy

So here is The video from us Zip-Trekking, Its kinda low quality because the higher quality one was taking way too long to upload. If you'd rather watch the higher quality video click on this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gU7YsqF0D10